The Complete Guide to How to Have Anal Sex (2020)

As the world becomes more liberal, anal sex is being stripped off its tag as a taboo topic. 

Nowadays many people talk and share about their first anal sex experience.

You will find comprehensive blogs and articles easily all over the internet about people's anal sex experience. 

Women who have already experienced anal sex often say that it is an additional sexual repertoire.

Some people still feel a little intimidated when others talk about anal sex; and others who have experienced it end up loving or hating it completely.

anal sex

The funny thing is, if you are discarding anal sex just because it sounds weird, you are probably missing one of the best experiences of your life. We are no one to judge your choice, but we would like to share our opinions! Unless you don't try something, how would you know that it is right or wrong for you!

However, those who have already crossed the line and think that they are a pro at giving anal sex advice, bravo! This article might not interest you because it is meant for beginners. So, you may skip reading it if you expect to gain info from it!

 The concept of anal sex could be quite daunting  and to even consider trying it, might shiver the guts of even the bravest hearts. What's the point of having it if you feel safe in the vanilla sex cocoon, right! But trust us on this; anal sex might give you an experience of a lifetime.

Not that we don't understand your fears and apprehensions, but the best way to go about it is to know everything about having anal sex and then decide whether you should try it or not!

What does it feel like?

Let's give you an honest answer, and pardon us if we sound outright blunt, anal sex feels like pooping, but in a reverse motion. And after you are done with it, you might feel the urge to poop and use the toilet, but in reality, you won't, and we sincerely hope that you don't end up pooping!

Beginners may not enjoy the sensation of a penis entering their rectum for the first time..  In the beginning, you will have a burning or stinging sensation. But that's for the first-timers. The more you try it, the more you will get used to the feeling, and there won't be any burning sensation later on.

Getting scared? Well hold on, if you can get through the very first anal penetration, anal sex can prove to be a delightful experience. Many people find it quite addictive as well. We are using the term enjoyable because even anal sex can lead to an orgasm, which is truly unprecedented!

Anal orgasm is much more intense than vaginal orgasm.

Ask a Pornstar - My First Anal Sex Experience

The feeling of ecstasy and the need to have more anal sex always follow when someone truly enjoys anal sex; and of course, you will have to try anal sex more than once for that to happen. You can try different ways of having anal sex after you gain some experience in the same.

For example, you can try butt plugs, fingering, licking, and finally, intercourse. If intercourse is too much, then go for anal sex toys.

To start enjoying anal sex, you will first have to follow proper sex, and we are not going to lie that the first-time experience can be painful, and you may want to stop it halfway through. However, you would be surprised how pleasurable it can be if you keep on trying anal sex.

So, to help you out, we have prepared this go-to guide, which will tell you everything about how to have anal sex.

Preparation for anal sex

All set to try it? Or should we ask are you tempted to at least know about it? Let's begin to quench your thirst with proper information.

Take care of what you eat.

Don't be overconfident and don't even think of testing whether having anal sex for the first time can lead to mess or not. There's no point in being a jerk! If you eat something that can cause loose stool, you should avoid it by all means.

So, spicy or Mexican food should be a BIG NO! On that note, don't eat anything too heavy as well, before you have sex. Even if you have vaginal sex, a full stomach causes a lot of discomfort, and the same is true for anal sex as well.

In terms of drinking, some people say that alcohol can help them get a boost before they try something new. However, many also say that skipping drinks is better. But we want you to be the judge in this matter and decide what works best for you.

However, if you are the taker, then drinking a little could turn out to be beneficial because it might calm your nerves and if you are the giver, then go sober. Please note that we have used the words "might" and "little."

The agenda of drinking a little is to feel relaxed before you go for your first-time experience.

Clean yourself, please!

We are not asking you to insert your finger completely inside your anus and deep clean it, but what we would like you to do is take a shower and try to clean your butthole properly. Use some soap to clean your butthole.

You don't have anything extraordinary to clean your rectum. The shallowest part of the rectum needs to be cleaned, and after that, you are good to go.

Cleaning Out for Anal Sex

Condoms are a must-have.

It is always better to wear condoms when you have sex. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, condoms ensure safety.


Condoms prevent infection, and no one would like to suffer from a bacterial infection in their anus. Condoms make it easier to have anal sex as well. Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn't lubricate itself.

Buy some good lube.

It would be best if you always considered using lubricants. Silicone lubricants are the best for anal sex. Use it after you wear a condom,  it will allow you to penetrate inside anus easily. You can try water-based lubes too; however, they dry up quickly.

Finally, there are oil-based lubes but they can break your condom during anal sex. Silicone-based lubes are best because they can be applied to literally anything. You can apply it to sex toys and condoms both.

Don't be afraid of using as many lubricants as you want, and there is nothing called "too much lubricant."

After you are all set, try these top 20 tips before having anal sex.

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Relax your anal muscle.

As we said, first anal sex can become quite painful, so you need to relax. Relax the entire body and your Sphincter.

There are a bunch of muscles circling the anus, and can make penetration unpleasant and painful if they remain tight. Talk to your partner and don't feel nervous. Ask your partner to go slow, and when he starts inserting his penis, keep taking deep breaths. Don't tighten up your butthole.

Prepare your space for anal sex.

Here's the thing. Having sex for the first time is always awesome, but then having anal sex for the first time is something new.

Sex can become messy sometimes, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Similarly, even anal sex is no exception. There's no point in stressing about it. Instead, think about making the experience soothing for both you and your partner.

Throw away the bedsheet and prepare your room. Decorate it as if it's your honeymoon. Get some washable blanket and make your bed look enticing.

You might feel like you are pooping, but that's not the case.

When something enters into your anus, the nerves surrounding your butthole receive new stimulations.

This can make you feel like you want to poop but that won’t happen... You might also feel like using the loo once you are done with anal sex, but only to realize that you don't actually want to poop. That happens with every newcomer. Keep that in mind.

Make silicon-based lube your best friend.

As discussed earlier. You must use lube for penetration. Without lube, anal sex can become a little harsh.

For us, the silicone-based lubes are the best. For others, water-based lubes could work better. The choice is yours, but the best part about silicon-lubes is that the lube allows your penis to remain slippery for a long time. Unlike water-based lube which dries up pretty quickly.

Sex toys can be useful too.

Before starting with the real deal, why don't you tease yourself a bit? You can get some sex toys, like a vibrator.

Don't insert the anal sex toy inside, though. Just play with it and please yourself. Let it prepare you before anal sex. Anal vibrators are the best because they can give you a completely new sensation.

Play with the butt cheeks.

Well, your end goal is to insert your penis into your partner's butthole.

However, won't it be fun if you play with those round butt cheeks in between the role play? You can massage your partner's butt cheeks with some lubricants or oil. Help those muscles relax a bit.. There is no hard and fast rule that a butt massage is necessary.

Just rub your hands up and down and place one of the fingers close to the butthole. Don't insert the entire finger, play around it.

Try not to hurt your partner.

When it comes to first-time anal sex, the taker tends to feel very nervous. Talk to your partner and let them know that you will do everything you can to make this a painless experience. Apply lubes because it will allow you to penetrate easily.

The taker must try to relax and keep taking deep breaths in between. Remember, the pain will go away, and the feeling of pleasure will eventually follow when you keep on having anal sex.

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The taker should try it on his own first.

It may sound surprising, but before bringing in your partner in the scene, you should try to play with your butthole on your own. Buy a sex toy and try inserting it gently. Play with it and see if you like anal penetration or not.

You must realize whether you should even give it a go before someone enters their penis inside. It will become more comfortable for you as well if you enjoy the anal thing. Get used to the sensation.

Try to have anal sex when you shower with your partner.

Shower and sex, probably hard to pull off for a few of you. But when it comes to relaxing, nothing can beat showering.

The goal is to have anal sex in a place where you can completely relax. Shower relaxes your mind, and it can calm you down. Plus, if you feel that trying anal sex for the first time can lead to messing up your bedsheet, then shower and anal sex could be a wise decision.

Jump into penetration right away, but start small.

Anal sex is harsh for everyone who is trying it for the first time. For that, we have a simple solution.

Rather than asking your partner to insert his penis right away, why don't you start small? There are many things that you can try. Letting your partner lick your butthole, fingering, and using a little sex toy and rubbing it all around the anus.

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Enter just the tip.

In the beginning, the part that should go inside the anus is just the tip of the penis.

Inserting the thicker portion of the penis is the painful part for the taker. This is when the taker starts feeling pain. And once the penis is entirely in, the body gives you a sensation similar to taking a dump.

The Sphincter adjusts the threshold of expansion gradually. Hence, the key is to start small and then go big.

No rapid-fire movement.

It's your first time, so hold on! Even if you have watched anal sex scenes with vigorous and fast banging, the anus wall is sensitive.

Go slow and allow your partner to relax. If you start jamming fast from the start, you may scratch or hurt the rectum wall. Never do that, especially if it is your first-time.

You can try different positions.

See, you don't always have to be in a doggy-style position to try anal sex. You will want to enjoy your first-time experience, so try out different angles. For example, you can lie down on your back in a reverse cowgirl position with your hips elevated.

The Best Anal Sex Positions for Safe Sex

It would be best if you communicate with your partner.

Both you and your partner need to discuss your anal sex experience. Share what makes you happy, which position is the best suitable.

It is not right if you keep quiet during a painful position just because your male partner enjoys having sex in that particular position. Talk to them about what should be done that can make you enjoy anal sex to the fullest.

Anal sex is never dirty.

If you think that anal sex means poop everywhere, then you are so wrong. The truth is that the lower part of the rectum contains very little fecal material. So, having anal sex is not as dirty as you think!

Once done, clean your anus again.

After you are done with anal sex, go to the bathroom and rinse your anus with some warm water.

Remember why you decided to have anal sex, and that is, to try something new. Always have anal sex in a comfortable position, and if it pains, then let your partner know. He should know if you would like the foreplay to stop.

Additional stimulation can make the experience better.

When it comes to anal sex, you don't need to jump into it right away. Your partner can start having sex with you normally.

For example, there can be vaginal fingering and licking, vaginal penetration, and you can think about including sex toys as well. After that, move on to anal sex. Take baby steps, but do try it. Additional stimulation will prepare you better for anal penetration.

Don't let your partner use the butt finger into your vagina.

The smell of your butthole and vagina are entirely different. Plus, it is not hygienic to insert the butt finger without washing it into your vagina. He can either clean it with soap or else ask him to enter a different finger. Stay hygienic even if both of you are horny.

If you hate it, stop it!.

Even if your male partner has enjoyed anal sex and you didn't, then it is better to share your feeling.

Within the first five minutes of anal sex, the taker will get to know if they are enjoying it or not. If it hurts continuously or you don't think it's your thing, then ask your partner to stop it. Everything boils down to what you and your body are comfortable with.

Ladies, no need to wax!

If you are thinking of getting a Brazilian wax done just for the anal foreplay, then, please don't!

Here are the three essential things to get started!


Before even getting started, cleaning yourself, preparing your bed or even applying lube, the first thing that every couple should do is talk to one another.

Communicate with your partner and talk to them about your fears, apprehensions, what to do if the taker or the giver doesn't enjoy it, and anything which will help you both have fun with anal sex.

swinger discussion

Taker should be in a good state of mind and be relaxed before he or she gets ready for it. The worries will fade away only then when both of you will communicate. Try to make the first-time experience tension free.

Tell the giver that if you won't enjoy it or if it'd hurt a lot, then you would want them to stop. After both of you are on the same page, then go ahead.


Lubes never cost you much, and, anal sex is different than vaginal sex. For the first time and for the future, always make sure to use lubes. Vagina remains wet most of the time because of vaginal discharge, but there is nothing called anal discharge. Find yourself a good branded lube.

Make sure to use the right amount of lube before inserting your penis into the butthole. Would you want your partner to scream in pain when you put your penis inside her anus?


The taker and the giver will be able to enjoy their first-ever anal sex experience if they are in Zen mode. After you have spoken to your partner, discussed how to go about it, and you have also found the best lubricant; it is time to relax. Listen to good music and take some deep breaths.

Your butthole will only be as relaxed as you are.. Keeping the  anal muscles tight will definitely be painful during the penetration. Don't think about anything when he inserts his penis inside your anus. Be in a state of euphoria.

Some of the best positions for anal sex

To be honest, there are many positions that you can try when it comes to anal sex, just like vaginal sex.. You should try all these positions to figure out which one works well for you. Here are the five best positions that you can go for:

Doggy Style

The most popular position for anal sex is the doggy style. This is one style that couples go for when they go for anal sex for the first time.

The control will be mostly on your partner, who will penetrate.

What the giver should keep in mind is to make the receiver feel relaxed and calm.

If you go slowly, you will never go wrong as it will allow your partner to take breaths in between.

To make everything better, you can play with your partner's boobs, spank her butt cheeks and massage them in between.

Talk to her to know if she is comfortable because, in the doggy style, you won't be able to see her expression.

anal sex doggy 2


In the missionary position, the best thing is that you get to see your partner's face.

You can see how she responds and also gauge her movements as well.

Since anal sex for the first time can be quite sensitive, missionary can help you understand how comfortable your partner is.

In the missionary position, the woman can make some adjustments.

And missionary can be a very relaxing position to try if this is your first time.

Don't start with inserting the penis all the way through her butthole.

Before beginning the foreplay, add a little pillow under the receiver's hips to get a better angle.

anal sex missionary


Cowgirl position gives immense pleasure to the ladies because it allows you to take the whole penis inside your anus.

To try this position, you have to put both your legs on the bed.

Now, place your hands on your partner's chest and start going up and down. Don't be fast, though.

You can even go round and round or sideways to enjoy anal sex to the extreme.

The receiver is in full-charge when she is in the cowgirl position.

anal sex cowgirl


Spooning is ideal for those couples who are feeling lazy. In this position, the giver inserts his penis into the anus from behind.

Couples usually love spooning in the beginning, and then they move on to another position.

To be in a comfortable position, you can try placing your leg on top of his body. This will allow him to go deep inside your rectum.

Once you feel your libido rising, you can ask your partner to come on top of you, or else, you can try the cowgirl position for the finale.

anal sex spooning

What to do after anal sex

Usually, after conventional sex, you can wipe off your vagina with a tissue or take off your condom and head straight back to your bed and start cuddling. Cuddling is great after a pleasant and relaxing sex. But, after anal sex, the best thing to do is to go to the bathroom to clean yourself.

For the receiver, even if they don't have to poop, they will feel like trying it once. Just in case, if you know what we mean! Get some lukewarm water and clean yourself. Give yourself a gentle wash. After your anal sex, your butthole deserves some pampering.

It has gone through something new, so make sure that you wash it carefully and gently. Don't go harsh on it and do not use  harsh ingredients. Use a mild soap if you feel way too dirty, else, warm water will do its work.

For the giver, even though you used a condom, it will be good if you wash your genitals. We bet you wouldn't want to see any leftovers on your penis. Plus, it can lead to bacterial infection, too, if you leave your penis just like that after anal sex. So, to be on the safer side, wash your genitals.

How to Have Anal Sex Safely

Additional safety tips

One golden rule to follow is to go slow and be safe. Cut your nails if you want to insert your finger or ask your partner to trim his nails before fingering you. Don't use any hard or rigid sex toys as well.

Never forget to clean yourself before and after anal sex. We know that the term sex makes everyone excited, but being clean means staying away from bacteria and having safer sex. Never have anal sex without the lube.

You don't want to hurt your partner, and neither hearing your partner scream when you insert your penis makes for  a good scene. Pick your favourite lube and use it as much as you think you should.

Whatever sex toys you buy, make sure they have a base, and the manufacturer is trustworthy. Not all sex toys are safe to use. Please get to know about them, read some online reviews, and try different ones. You will never know which one is the most suitable for you if you do not try multiple toys.

Never transfer the penis from butt to vagina or from vagina to the butthole in one go. Simply put, it is not hygienic. And the same goes for fingering. Always clean your penis if you want to transfer it. This will keep bacteria away too.

We do hope that this guide taught you something. We also hope that your first-ever anal sex is super exciting.. Remember all the tips and the additional advice that we have shared. Try different positions, use some anal sex toys, but always be gentle. Don't forget to clean yourself!

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