Orgasm is the ultimate pleasure that one looks for while having sex. Not everyone knows that there are many kinds of Big O’s, which can give you the best pleasure.
Women, especially are less talked about when it comes to orgasms because there is nothing that can be seen when they cum. However, they do orgasm.
With some awareness and knowledge, they can have the best orgasms, ranging from wild to calm, pleasurable ones.
Sometimes, you may feel that you did not orgasm as expected, which mainly happens due to high expectations, communication gaps, and using the wrong methods.
You should learn to experiment with your partner to get the Big O. Some websites claim that you can have many types of orgasms, ranging from 1 to 12.
On average, a woman can get, on average, five kinds of orgasms.
Orgasm is the phenomenon used to describe the peak of sexual pleasure that a person can get. Orgasm is an intense experience for any user to go through multiple times a day. During orgasm, the muscle stretches and contracts, which allows the penis or the vagina to spit out a liquid.
The phenomenon is called ejaculation. Orgasm is a hard emotion or pleasure a person can reach after great intercourse. The person who wants to reach an orgasm must build his or her sexual confidence before masturbation or making-love.
You must be here to gain sexual confidence. Therefore, we will take you through some helpful information to boost your morale.
How to Build Your Sexual Confidence?
A person needs to build up his or her confidence before performing any action that will lead to orgasm.
A sexually confident person can enjoy all the activities and emotions flowing through him or her without complaining about the quantity or quality of the intercourse.
An aroused person is the most active in the process of lovemaking, as he is aware of the things to do during the process.
You can have a long-lasting relationship with your partner only if you are sexually confident. Your satisfaction is directly related to your partner's sexual fulfillment.
So, we will tell you how you can build your sexual confidence in the forthcoming paragraphs.
1. IDENTIFY REASON FOR THE LACK OF SEXUAL CONFIDENCE
One of the main problems regarding the lack of self-confidence in men is the stereotypes of not having a muscular body structure. The person overthinks about an imaginary fact about what the woman will think if he doesn't have a lean body shape like the ones on television.
Another problem regarding men is performance pressure. In this, the person only focuses on the quantity but not the quality of the sexual pleasure he is having. On the other hand, women can lose sexual interest because of physiological, relationship, or emotional stress.
Therefore, to overcome such thoughts, you need to find the reason behind the lag.
2. EXPLORE THE DESIRE AND PREFERENCES
The person who indulges in sexual intercourse must look after the personal desires and preferences during sexual intercourse.
That means the partners must look out for the positions and the type of actions they want to perform during the process: example- BDSM, ROUGH, ANAL, FETISH, and other types of activities.
The first and foremost thing that the partners may keep in mind is to do a role-play before directly doing the intercourse.
3. COMMUNICATE HONESTLY WITH YOUR PARTNER
The partners who indulge in sexual intercourse must communicate with each other about the limits, types, and the factors that make the other partner ashamed. This communication conducted before any sexual intercourse will make the person confident about his or her partner.
Through this process, you can analyze the weakness and convert it into your and your partner's strength. The feeling of comfort and importance makes the bond more durable and helps to have good intercourse.
4. TEST IT OUT WITH YOUR PARTNER
Once the partners communicate and fully know about all the desires and preferences, they can move on to making love. They must practice maximum positions during their intercourse to test their limits and not hesitate to make mistakes, as the errors are what makes a person experienced.
5. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
As most people say, practice makes a man perfect. It is also essential in sexual activity. Practicing in the bedroom makes the partners experienced.
They become more aware of how to do the positions and actions the next time. It makes them more confident, builds up their sexual confidence, and the urge to have a good sex life.
According to doctors, partners should practice intercourse two times a week to test their sexual compatibility and sexual limits.
Types of Orgasms
Orgasms always vary from person to person, but here is a list of orgasms that are the most common ones.
This orgasm gives great pleasure as it is sensed on the body’s surface and gives a tingling sensation on the skin.
The clitoris is a small organ with a lot of nerve endings protruding from the top of the vulva. It extends down to the inside of the labia.
If you rub the clitoris gently with your fingers, tongue, or palm in a circular or back and forth motion, then it gets stimulated and gives a tremendous sensation.
When the clitoris is wet, you should apply the pressure harder and faster repeatedly to get immense pleasure.
Keep this motion going, gradually increasing pressure so that the orgasm intensifies. If your clitoris is too sensitive, then it is better to slow down a bit in order to prolong orgasm.
This process will give you a strong clitoral orgasm.
This orgasm is the deepest and is also felt by the person penetrating into the vagina, because in this case, the vaginal walls pulse and give pleasure to both.
This type of orgasm is also very effective in giving you a great orgasm.
However, for some ladies, it can be difficult and although more pleasurable to the penis.
One can try using a sex toy or fingers apart from the penis, to penetrate the vagina to hit the G-spot, which is the pleasure point located inside.
If you hit this spot harder and with regular pressure, this can cause an exploding orgasm as well.
If you are able to stimulate the G-spot correctly, it can lead to release, because it arouses the Skene’s glands which are located on both sides of the urethra.
For a penetrative orgasm, try using fingers or sex toys instead of a penis. You can try mimicking the circular motion instead of simply in and out. Keep repeating to build up to a brilliant orgasm.
This is an intense orgasm where you feel like peeing, right before the orgasm. Here, the contractions are felt in the anal sphincter and not around the genitals.
For anal sex, always use lube because your butt does not produce lubricants on its own and if the skin around that area tears, it can cause an infection.
Due to the prostate gland, the most common kind of orgasm in men, aside from the regular way, is anal orgasm.
This can be achieved by touching, rubbing, licking the anal opening from outside.
To give pleasure to your male partner, stimulate the prostate by smoothly inserting the finger forward and massaging the gland.
This is a combined orgasm, which happens when the G-spot in the vagina and the clitoris are touched simultaneously. This is a more charged and explosive orgasm which will give convulsions, or ejaculations.
For a combo orgasm, you need to stimulate the vagina and the clitoris together. You can have it in either opposite or parallel rhythms, depending on how your partner likes it.
This kind of orgasm ensures female discharge as both the clitoris and the G-spot are engaged.
To achieve this level of explosive orgasm, one needs to be experimental and keep on doing different things.
Try out different positions and patterns with your partner to see what works best to achieve the combined orgasm.
There are many erogenous zones that can cause an orgasm, like kissing on the neck, biting on nipples, licking the nipples, fingering, etc., but you can find your erogenous zone with the help of a feather or some light object to see where it gives the maximum pleasure.
There are other parts of the body as well, other than the sex organs, which give pleasure and orgasms.
These are the neck, nipples, knees, and elbows, which give extreme pleasure when played with or kissed. Some sensitive women also get an orgasm during continuous play.
Orgasms Require Communication
Having good communication before and during sex can be very helpful in making you achieve the Big O. Every sexual session should be preceded by communication to make it pleasurable and enjoyable. You should tell your partner what you desire, how to go about it, and where exactly you want.
This will ensure that both of you get the maximum pleasure and a memorable one too, especially if it’s your first time. You can express it to your partner in words or through body language. You both should agree to experiment in order to get the best orgasm.
You can experiment by touching the different body parts with parts of your body like mouth, fingers, genitals, etc. This experiment will help you both find the best way to orgasm. In case you want to understand what gives you the most pleasure, you do not need a partner.
You can use your fingers or sex toys to determine how and where you attain maximum pleasure and then you can communicate the same to your partner.
Orgasm or Not?
What Happens During an Orgasm?
When a woman has an orgasm, many changes occur in her body, like in the anus, vagina, feet, hands, abdomen, and uterus.
These organs rapidly contract, approx. 3 – 15 times by squeezing 0.8 seconds at each time. One should note that women also ejaculate by releasing some sort of liquid out from the urethra. It is a mix of urine and whitish color fluid from the Skene’s glands.
Having explained the orgasms, it is also essential to mention that not everyone feels orgasm the same way as we all enjoy sex differently. There is no rigid manual for sex, it involves each person’s interests and needs.
The best way is to explore and know exactly what your body craves for and where exactly it wants stimulation.
Stages of Orgasm
According to a book by Masters and Johnson, there are four stages to orgasm:
- 1Excitement – This happens when you feel turned on. It is the first step towards an orgasm.
- 2High – The repeated motions that give pleasure, make you go high.
- 3Orgasm – This is the actual release or the blowout of pleasure.
- 4Resolution – This is the refractory time, after the orgasm.
This may not be accurate but they do represent the general stages of an orgasm. It is important to note that sex does not always culminate in an orgasm. Moreover, an orgasm does not mean your sex was great and enjoyable.
Orgasms can sometimes be for a small period of time, can happen multiple times in a row, only once, and sometimes do not happen at all. Everyone has different kinds of orgasms and it should not be defined by what one person feels.
It is ultimately your pleasure and your idea of the perfect orgasm need not be the same as someone else’s. For some people, a small clitoral orgasm can be extraordinarily special, whereas others only enjoy a combo orgasm. Everybody is different, thus the orgasms we feel are also different.
So, take your time and path to experiment with your body and by communicating well with your partner.
Tips to improve sexual confidence and performance
Now that you are aware of the importance, we want you to follow some tips to have the best time of your life:
The presence of the mind is significant for the partners when they are indulging in sexual activities. The absence of consciousness creates a loss of interest and excitement for the partners to carry on with the action and results in faulty sexual intercourse.
Edging is a phenomenon that involves delaying or reaching the climax. Practicing this makes the orgasm more enjoyable. The delaying of peak triggers intense pleasure for both the partners and helps to communicate with the partner more effectively.
You can know about the facts related to the positions and the stimulation during the sexual activity.
PLAYING SEDUCTIVE MUSIC CAN TURN YOU ON
Playing seductive songs during intercourse makes the process more enjoyable and intense. The scenes in the music video can increase the pleasure meter of partners during lovemaking. The music creates a fantastic atmosphere where intercourse is taking place.
Arousing both the partners to make intense and satisfying love for each other also builds sexual confidence.
WEAR LINGERIE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SEXY
The female partners should wear appropriate lingerie that arouses men. It will eventually lead to more comforting, and intense lovemaking as the stripping session will arouse the partner even more if he or she is wearing lingerie to the interest of the partner.
The partners should keep in mind wearing less lingerie because it will save time to start making-love.
The person should often exercise to make himself or herself physically fit and have good shape and stamina. The partners need to have an excellent and delayed climax to reach the peak of satisfaction and achieve orgasm.
As boys desire peach-like asses, you can always add squats and lunges to the exercise. It will give your butt the perfect shape and size that men lure for all the time.
VISUALIZE WHAT TURNS YOU ON
During sexual intercourse, the partners should visualize the positions and actions before starting the process to get an easy and effective excitement. It will eventually turn on the person and result in excellent and satisfying sex.
The best way is to visualize and masturbate so that the adrenaline rush starts before having sex.
The partners need to take calculated risks while trying out new positions and angles. It is the most crucial point to have sex in different sex positions to increase the pleasure meter for both the partners and is very helpful for achieving orgasm.
Different angles and positions stimulate different spots that are effective for a great orgasm.
FOCUS ON PLEASURE NOT PERFORMANCE
The person who is indulging in sexual intercourse should focus more on quality and not on quantity. One-time useful sex is much better than having three times defective sex.
It would be best if you concentrate on the right techniques, boost confidence, satisfy your partner's desires, and add some spice to your sexual life. Therefore, you need to make it worthwhile.
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Tips to Enjoy an Orgasm
Orgasm is way too often understood as a marker of sexual 'success', which in itself can be part of the problem. Movies and TV don’t help, either.
We get the message from pop culture and porn that sexual pleasure is all about orgasm, and representations of the female orgasm are almost always reductive and performative, focusing on penetrative sex and ending in an unrealistically quick and mutual climax. Yet sex in real life is hardly ever like that.
Do not forget to Masturbate
Having fun with yourself makes you realize what exactly you like, and where exactly you like to be touched and in which way. It helps you to communicate with your partner better.
This helps them in knowing how you get aroused which in turn helps in achieving an orgasm during sex.
Fantasize Without Guilt
The everyday hassles of life and busy routine can make life monotonous and that can have an adverse effect on your sex life. Fantasies help in forgetting the daily anxieties and stress.
Fantasizing about other people in bed is not cheating, it only helps you in your daily activities.
When you think about sex when not doing it, it makes you live the moment to the fullest when you are actually doing it.
Know Your Body Well
Knowing your own body is the ideal way to determine your orgasm. There are certain factors that are not in your hands because our bodies are built differently.
For example, the distance between the vagina and the clitoris affects the intensity of the orgasm, so different women experience orgasms differently.
So, understand your body by experimenting and determine which positions/actions can boost your orgasm.
Do Not Just Focus on the Clitoris (but make sure to mind your moans!)
Having fun with pubic mound also helps in giving you orgasm. The fleshy area just above your lips alleviates your senses and aids you in enjoying orgasm more.
Depending on what position you are in, you can use your hands or rub yours against your spouse’s pubic mound.
Apart from the pubic mound, do not forget to play with your labia, too. All these help in increasing your chances to enjoy orgasms more.
Talk With Your Spouse
Women sometimes feel embarrassed talking to their partner about orgasms. But, it is extremely important for your partner to know this so that he can give you an explosive orgasm.
You should tell him the points and parts where you want to be touched and whether you like it slow or fast. Make sure your partner knows your likes and dislikes well before intercourse.
Foreplay is a Must
Many women prefer foreplay to get an intense orgasm.
You can tell your partner to not penetrate your vagina right away and instead engage in foreplay to increase the build-up before the real action starts.
The main aim is to understand yours as well as your partner’s bodies and needs, to have an enhanced sex life. This knowledge will help you and your partner to get have more pleasure during sex.
Pelvic Floor Needs to be Worked Upon
If you want to enjoy sex more, it is highly advisable to strengthen your pelvic muscles. Include pilates and barre in your workouts regularly and experience orgasm every time you have sex.
One exercise that can really help you during orgasms is to squeeze the vagina walls up.
Hold this position for 10 seconds. Doing this regularly will help in experiencing intense orgasms.
Keep The Clit on Your Mind
Most of the women don’t experience orgasms only from penetration and that’s absolutely fine! Girls, please do not fake your orgasms, communicate with your partner.
Men should not forget to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse.
One of the best ways is to use penis rings that aid in the stimulation of the clitoris during penetration. You may even use vibrators or manually stimulate them during intercourse.
Simple Lying Won't Help
When it comes to enjoying the orgasm, simply lying while your partner is trying to give you one won’t help!
You need to do your bit like lifting your ass so that your partner can easily stimulate your privates might help you in getting an orgasm faster.
Don't Look at the Time
You must never hasten when you wish to enjoy an orgasm. Your body and mind both need an orgasm. Thus, you should spend more time on it.
Among most couples, more time is spent on male partners’ pleasure as opposed to what female partners desire.
Make it a point to communicate with your partner about your wishes, demands, and desires. Talk about clitoral stimulation and get it!
Sometimes being loud makes you high, so don’t forget that too and be loud once in a while.
Talk dirty, shouting, moaning and whispering- do whatever that arouses you more and leads you towards orgasm.
Switch Up Your Sex Positions
Try out different positions. If you normally have missionary position sex, try out some doggy style. Experiment with different positions, and try the ones you always thought are tough.
If you have never tried anal, try it. Amplify your sex, and your pleasure amplifies automatically.
The best sex happens when you enjoy the moment! Do not worry about kids, laundry, work, what to wear tomorrow, have you gained or lost weight, just enjoy the moment.
Try to remain focused in the present moment to enjoy sex better.
In Sex, Being Selfish is OK
Many of us are always bothered about our partner’s desires in bed and our own desires take a back seat. But know your desires first and let your partner know about them too.
This will surely help you take a step further in enjoying better orgasms.
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Steps to Prepare Your Body for Orgasm
STEP 1 – Equip your pelvic floor
For more penetrative sex, it is good to train your pelvic floor. You can do this by squeezing the walls of the vagina up and holding the position to a count of five. Use weighted kegel balls to keep your pelvic floor in shape. These kegel balls are excellent for training your pelvic floor.
Your muscles will clench automatically around the balls to hold them inside you and will give a great workout. For beginners, this is the best practice.
STEP 2 – Soothe your mind and body
During sex, it is essential to relax your mind and body. It helps in reaching arousal and orgasm. Before laying down, soothe your mind and relax your body. Only then your nerves will become sensitive and the blood will flow to the correct places. This will help you focus on sex better.
Make the room and bed comfortable, dim the lights, keep the room peaceful or put on some light music, whatever relaxes your mind and body. You can also get inside the bath as you can get many waterproof toys these days. However, you should always use a lubricant in the bath.
STEP 3 – Masturbate more
Women usually do not orgasm in penetrative sex. This is because, during vaginal sex, the clitoris does not get enough stimulation. So, you should masturbate enough to get a good orgasm during penetrative sex. If you stimulate the clitoris, you can climax fast and wonderfully.
Many men have no idea where the clitoris is, and it often gets neglected during sex, so you must masturbate to have your orgasm. . Try a vibrator or a wand against the clitoris, which will start pumping blood to the vulva, and help in your arousal.
Using sex toys on yourself is the best way to understand your body and its needs. You will know whether you like a soft flickering or a solid hit.
STEP 4 – Masturbate with Partner
If you have a male partner with you, then let him watch when you masturbate, once you are sure what you like. Penises cannot help you attain clitoral satisfaction completely, so let your partner see what works for you and how you cum.
As per a survey by the Cosmopolitan, half of the women felt close to orgasm, but could not reach it fully. Several others said that their clitoris was ignored which hampered the pleasure to some extent. One can use a vibrator as well during sex but it may take some time to get used to it.
Toys that stimulate the clitoris and the G-spot are amazing.
STEP 5 – Good Habits
There can be times when you are not able to cum and the reasons for this could be that you are taking antidepressants, reuptake inhibitors, selective serotonin, have perimenopause, or menopause, chronic illness, hormonal deficiency, or problems like diabetes, hypertension, sleep disorder, etc.
People who smoke and drink a lot also have issues in their sex life. Even after giving birth, the body faces a lot in the form of scar tissues, vaginal dryness, painful spots from tearing, etc. With all such challenges, one’s sex drive and orgasm can suffer.
So, ensure you follow good and healthy habits to enjoy pleasurable sex. Love yourself and start slow.
STEP 6 – Move your Hips
It is not the best way to orgasm by lying still on your back while your partner is working passively to make you cum. You should lift your pelvis to meet your partner’s hands, mouth, or the toy to have a fantastic orgasm.
STEP 7 – Do not Rush
To get an effective and enjoyable orgasm, do not feel rushed. Feeling tied to a schedule and a routine can become a problem in making you orgasm because your mind will constantly think about what to do next. So ignore the clock and enjoy your moment till it lasts.
STEP 8 – Get Wild and Loud
It is very normal to get loud during sex. Sounds like moaning, whispering, shouting, talking dirty, etc. is very good to add some oomph to your lovemaking. It also helps in getting an orgasm easily.
STEP 9 – Stay Present
Focus on the sex to achieve the best orgasm, each time. Forget about your tasks at hand like laundry, office work, your dress for the party the next day, etc. You should focus on nothing but on the sensations that you are feeling.
I already have a remarkable sex life. How can I take it to the next level?
A person can have a good and productive sex life, but that doesn't mean that the sex life he or she is leading will always be the same or satisfying in the future. After some time, the person or the partner will feel bored trying out the same old sex positions and styles repeatedly.
Therefore, the partners must try out new ways and adopt new techniques or methods that can increase the pleasure meter. You can reach new levels of excitement with further actions every time.
You should use Anal beads, Sex toys, Vibrators, fleshlight, and many more toys while having intercourse or when he or she is alone and is excited. A sex toy is a handy tool when the person is trying to arouse himself or herself, and the partner is not near.
The person can also use a vibrator during intercourse as it will create more urge or will increase the excitement level of the particular user.
If everything else fails, you must consult a sex therapist.
Sex therapists are a doctor who deals with sexual problems related to the sexual difficulties that a person or a couple is facing during their intercourse.
A therapist treats the patients with suitable means, which may help gain their desired sexual level and also to have a sexually fit and healthy lifestyle. Some medical problems that lead to sexual incapacities are impotence, low sperm count, mood swings, fear or anxiety, stereotypical issues, social issues, and many more.
The sex therapist looks out for the issue and helps the couple or an individual deal with it. You can follow the tips mentioned above to boost sexual confidence.
Orgasm is vital to leave you with a satisfying and pleasurable feeling. Make sure you follow the above steps and ensure that you communicate well with your partner. Understand your anatomy and determine which areas you like being touched or kissed.
Make use of sex toys to experiment with yourself or with your partner. A little bit of knowledge and experimentation can lead to wild and explosive orgasms, every time you get laid.