Fifty Shades of Grey has made BDSM contracts a known thing among most people but there are many things that this movie got wrong.
It is always a nice idea to make a contract before starting any BDSM relationship and it makes things easier as well as if you are new in these kinds of situations then it makes the conversations and overall experience a much easier process.
There are full details in the contracts and the role that you will have to play so there will be no hesitations and quarrels between the two persons who have made the contract and can fully enjoy this kinky experience.
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BDSM Contracts (2022): Dom Sub Contract - Submissive Contract
What is a BDSM contract and do they exist in real life?
A BDSM contract is generally an agreement in the form of a document for a BDSM play between two people. It is useful in communication and a good way to negotiate the terms of your adventure. This contract can be just simply a handwritten page or a full legal document of more than 10 pages with legal terms.
The novel series ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ by author E. L. James has made these contracts a more common term and many people have tried to get on this wave financially with different websites selling a sample contact or a full contract online. This wave has made common folks who are into this kink made aware of such contracts and many people have tried it in their real life to get on with their adventures of kinky sex. Even though novels made a printed document the focal point of their story, among the community of these kinks it has been used for decades. This written document provides the legality, terms and communication between the couples or users of these kinks. You may not believe but they are used in real life by so many people who are into kinks or just getting on the wave of novels and movies.
Are these legal and why should we have them?
The BDSM contract is mostly used to communicate and dictate the terms of relationship and it has also come in the court in the cases of sexual violence and consensual sex cases. Every country has their own laws but these contracts are not legally bound to any court or institution. Even though they are not legally binding or ironclad, these contracts can still be used for the emotional safety of the person and for better communication. If you want to be in a BDSM relationship with someone and they do not want the contract and say they are not needed at all then it is a big red flag for this kind of relationship. We all know that oral agreements are the most unreliable kind of agreement and if you have something in writing and signed by both the persons then it is for your own safety, and many therapists and counselors also recommend them in relationships. They are practical and already used and proven to work in many cases. A written contract is physical evidence to show the trust in your partner and if they can’t abide by it then how can you believe in them to take care of you or be in a relationship.
What should a BDSM contract look like?
A common knowledge of these relationships dictates that a BDSM contract should be more formal looking. You should first discuss the limits with your partner and what you will do and what you don't as well as the choices of your partner. It is also sexy to discuss all the rewards and punishments with your partner in your bed openly. Purpose of a BDSM contract is to communicate the terms of the relationship with your partner and if they want to check out the lists as well as do not like somethings then they are pre discussed in the contract so there will be no problem afterwards. The wording should be clear for the contract and the terms should dictate all the things that you would do or want your partner to do. An example of good wordings of contracts is like this, “the main motive of this contract is to let the submissive find their sexual and sensual limit in safe manners with all respect as well as regards for their limits, wellness and needs.”
How should I make a contract and what to include in that?
To make a contract the most important thing is how much of the formal and in-depth relationship of yours is. There are various kinds of contracts out there like just a simple verbal agreement or a long multi-page document stamped with all legality as well as a ceremonious contract in front of a witness in the collaring ceremony. You have to first decide of what kind of contract you want to make with your partner like dominating, submissive, slave, master, pet or full lifestyle agreement.
One thing to remind yourself is that the formal contract does not guarantee the kinky relationship to be more valid.
You can write a simple contract of just only a paragraph or a many page document but in this contract, you should write all the things that you want or need in the relationship. More detailing of the contract means more conversation and communication as well as to know the choices and needs of the partner as well as yourself and it makes the contract safer and more certain. There’s no point in just checking the list with punishment and rewards. This kind of contract may be enough for just a scene and a night but is not feasible enough for a lifestyle or long relationship. There are things that you should include in your contract which we have enlisted like:
What not to include in the contract?
There are things that you should be specific of what not to include in the list as it can prolong the relationship as well with the points that you don’t want to be touched in your list. The problem with many dynamics is that they include all the things and rules and it can affect them badly during these dynamics.
Like if a person who is submissive in contract and does the things that are disrespectful then they can excuse themselves by saying that this was not specifically written in the contract and can disturb the dynamic. The same thing can happen in the opposite way with the dominating person and they can overwhelm the other person which can have adverse effects on the relationship.
What are the different types of dynamics in BDSM?
Dynamics in a BDSM relationship can be varied as there are many types of relationships as you can imagine. In most common terms the types of dynamics are these:
What happens when I sign a BDSM contract?
After signing a BDSM contract you are morally bound to the role that you are assigned to with all the conditions that you choose in the role that you play. The contract should be accessible to both the parties after signing and many couples keep it in their nightstand to remind themselves of the role that they are playing in the relationship. After some time, it is recommended to read the contract and negotiate new conditions with your partner to make your new limits and reading it again with your partner and negotiating new terms can easily arouse you and generate a new spark in your relationship.
What happens when someone breaks the Dom/Sub contract?
If the limits of the contract are not followed and crossed then it depends on the individuals involved in the relationship to what make of it. For some lesser offenses a warning is given to the partner who has broken the limits of for some major offense the partner who is innocent can terminate the contract immediately. It is better to keep these consequences in your contract beforehand as this will make things easier if something like this happens in the relationship.
Example contract:
1. Role of Slave
The participant who plays the role of slave agrees to fully submit in the ways master decide. They also agree that after signing this contract their body belongs to their master and can be used in any way that master wants.
1.1 Veto power of slave
Slave hereby is given the veto power on the commands and prepositions made by master and can refuse the command using this power. Veto can only be used under given circumstances:
2. Role of master
Role of master is to take care of the life of slave and use all measures for the slave’s safety and wellbeing until they own the slave. They also agree to train, punish, love and use the slave in a proper manner.
3. Punishment:
Slave hereby fully agree to receive the punishments that their master decides to inflict on them.
Punishment rules:
4. Others
During the time this agreement is in use slave cannot seek a lover, another master or have any kind of sexual activity with another person.
5. Secrecy
It is hereby decided that slave and master both will keep this agreement in full secret and do not involve any other person in this relationship or talk about it.
6. changes in contract
This contract cannot be changed in any circumstance unless both slave and master are in agreement of the change and is discussed between them. If there will be any other change in the contract then another contract will be made with the changes and this contract will be destroyed in the presence of both slave and master.
7. breaching of contract
If the terms of this contract are breached in any sense then the innocent person has full rights to terminate the contract at the time or negotiate with the breacher for rewards of their misconduct.
8. Termination
This contract can be terminated by any party after discussing with the other person at any time if they are not comfortable in the relationship. After termination the contract shall be destroyed in front of both the parties.
9. Destruction of evidence
After termination of the contract all the evidence of the relationship of master and slave must be destroyed in the presence of both the parties with this contract and the transparency is maintained by both parties during the contract as well as while destroying the evidences of this relationship.
10. Signatures
Signatures of both parties with date of the signing as well as mentioning the duration of the contract. The signing for consent and acceptance should also be included in this part to make it a formal agreement between two parties.
What to look out for from a BDSM contract?
There are somethings that needs to be guaranteed before making these kinds of contracts and the things that anyone should look out for in their partner like:
Look for red flags and warnings:
If a person is making excuses and says what is the need of this contract then that is a big red flag as it can be used as evidence in case of some big damages regarding the life and body of yours. If the contract has things relating to health and nutrition then it is also a big red flag unless the master is a doctor.
Look for disobedience and clause of punishment:
The section of punishment and disobedience must be read thoroughly and word to word as it can be used against you and can affect your physical and mental health during the relationship.
Look for your limits and threshold to bear the pain:
You know yourself better than anyone so check for the things that have the clause regarding the pain in the contract and negotiate them properly according to the limits of your threshold to bear the pain.
Rules related to contract breach:
Rules which are related to the contract breach must be read properly as during the heat of session breaching the contract is easy and the punishment of the breaching can damage you mentally or physically so it is a good to read this part properly before signing the contract.
Conclusion:
The BDSM contracts are used by the people who love the kinky way in their sex life or people who want to try something new and exciting in their life as an adventure. It is a good thinking and can greatly enhance your sexual experience if you are in this kind of behavior as well as a safety measure to keep you safe in the relationship and a secret agreement to keep things within your lives and enjoy this great thing in your personal lives.